Between shit and the devil

Today I wanna spin some philosophy around a few meditative insights and experiences I’ve had.

Today, I was pushing through in my meditation, focusing and working up strength, and all of a sudden, I broke through to the other side, which is really, just the world and the open air in front of me.

The thing is, we are all imprisoned. We are all locked up inside ourselves, and we are kept from flowing freely and merging with our surroundings by the gatekeeper, the guardian ego.

It is the ego which keeps us locked up, separated from the world we live in.

It may seem strange and a little contradictory, but my theoretical elaborations can account for what I am about to say next.

For some days ago, I was meditating, as thus I often do, and I felt like there was this big area of tension in front of me. And all of a sudden, a power that came from above just crashed into this ‘building’ and broke it and made it collapse. And with it, the tension fell from me.

I realized the area of tension, the building of tension, was like a city, or a world, and it was my world. It was what I felt was important, what I ‘minded’, what I made sure was like it had to be, all my little habits and tricks and ways of playing the game and being in this world.

It was my world, my hobbies, my looks, my routines, it was in a way ‘me’. My way of organizing and dealing with things. How I made things, how I arranged things, how I did things. It was, in a way, my super ego, that makes up the rules for my ego to behave by. It was the whole of my ‘laws’.

It was ‘my’ world.

And I realized the human world, taken as a whole, was in fact made up of everyone holding up their own worlds, their own needs and do’s and don’ts, and all of these personal and private worlds were upheld in the outer human world. The cities, the roads, the laws and the economy.

The world was like one big collective canvas for us to project our own needs and clinging onto.

And we are all very afraid, we all do our really utmost best to uphold this world, to keep this illusion alive. We fear that it would crumble, it may not fall down, it cannot collapse.

But when my world was struck by lightning in my meditation, it felt like the most profound relief. It felt like finally I could see the ground again, and on that ground, creativity was free to find a truly new way, a way that was not compromised by clinging to past habits and beliefs. Like a sprout of fresh gras, or the birth of a newborn flower stem. And I realized this is how creativity needs to be. Free, unburdened, uncompromised.

You know, the Native Americans used to burn pieces of the land, to uphold its fertility.

That is what it’s all about.

Letting the system crash, letting the world tumble down and just build something new from the ground up.

Truly free.

Totally liberated.

So I said we were all locked up inside ourselves, and the ego does not let us touch the world. I also said we make the world from our own inner buildings of tension. So what is it?

It seems confusing, admitting that there are two sides to the human being.

There is shit, and there is the devil.

And when you have to choose between them, you better side with the shit.

Because the devil is only murder, death.

The ego is what is keeping our shit from coming out, what is keeping the creative elements of our soul from flowing into the world. It is an anal fixation, potty trained, and it will not let the heart speak, it will not let the soul move, it will not let the light shine.

So as Lacan has remarked, too often people are in their defensive mode, their line of resistance. They are talking, but they are just keeping anything authentic from breaking through. They are talking because they are afraid, they are talking to keep up distractions.

The fear is always so full of bullshit. The fear is always big, and the fear is always so full of illusions. And the fear is totally unnecessary. For in the end, what is there is just the peace of nothingness.

But the ego, it convinces us that the realm of illusions, the world of tensions, must be there, or else… much fear.

It is bullshit.

It is the most annoying thing, to block the heart from flowing and to keep the joy from shining. And there is no reason, in truth.

Mostly, when I am talking to people, I find it most annoying that I can never say anything I feel like saying. They are constantly keeping me silent with their raging babbles, tensed up and hasted. And every time I want to turn the conversation into something light, pleasant and fun, to break the tension, break the ice that seems to be always there, I cannot get through.

My shit cannot get through the barriers of their ego.

And then I get very frustrated, and very disappointed, and I feel like ‘what’s the use of this conversation?’ You are not really there, you are not really saying anything, you are just making a lot of noise to keep me silent. You don’t want me to talk.

So people, they meet, and they talk, and they are never saying anything, and that is fine, because nobody wants to hear the truth. Nobody wants to deal with love. Nobody wants a piece of the fun. Nobody cares about the heart.

They just care about keeping their shit locked up tight.

And all of them together, they are building the big bad human world.

And they are afraid that it may fall apart.

And a little love might do that.

A little love may strike as lightning, and burn down the whole of the prairie.

But the truth is, there would be relief, like the biggest weight ever just fell of your shoulders. And you would not be lost. You would be free. Free to move, free to speak, free to hear, free to create. A new world. A world with meaning. A world of sense. A world built on solid ground.

Not this illusion, that is the sum of all the illusions all egos are upholding, never letting their shit touch the world.

It is the worst of nightmares, potty training, it is a firm course in ego.

And it seems we’re all still stuck in it.

We’re all afraid to let our shit come out.

We’re all cramped, and we’re all keeping everything inside.

We’re all locked up, and the devil is guarding us all.

This is bullshit.

We need healing, we need the freeing of our energy, we need to break through into the outside world, we need to lose the fear and live for real.

There is so much I want to say, and sometimes it seems the only way I can say it is with tears of regret and infinite compassion.

For this beautiful world, full of wonderful shit, that we are turning into a fear filled illusion, a collection of illusions, that are all just not the truth, that are all just not the heart, that are all just not the fun.

It is bullshit.

And there is no reason.

There is no reason to be so afraid.

If you knew emptiness, and nothingness, perhaps you could argue with the devil’s claims about all the things you have to be afraid of, all of the disasters that would happen, all of the fears he is shouting into your head.

You would smile, and know better.

But we believe in the lies, we believe we have to be afraid. We are all mesmerized, hypnotized, filled with illusions.

We are all crazy.

And thus we make this place, this world we live in.

A crazy, crazy world.

You know the way my dog sometimes looks at me?

That’s how I often look at people.

Like… what are you all about?

What are you talking about?

And do you really believe all that?

Just know better, know that there is peace, know that there is love, know that there is joy and ecstasy, know that there is creative inspiration, and a solution to every problem.

Just know that we can work it out, with patience, with tolerance, with endurance, with faith.

You have no faith.

You only have all these mad convictions of fear.

Which you are defending, and putting into other people’s heads.

It is hard for me to live in this world, because to me, as I said, it is all bullshit.

And it hurts me, because it is all a waste of a beautiful planet and an endless flow of wonderful opportunities.

But if you don’t want to play, I guess there is nothing I can do about it.

So I play alone. I write books, I drum for visions, I dance for energy.

I am crazy in a world of madness.

But I can see, and I can feel, and I hear, time and time again, that you are not ready to talk. That you are not willing to say anything. To show yourself.

Lacan called this the axis of the imaginary. It is talking just so you wouldn’t say what you really have to say.

And it is what sickens the healing process, and it is what is keeping the disease alive.

It is where the analyst must intervene, and try to return the conversation to what’s really going on. To what’s really living up. To what it is that the client dares not say, and the why of the defense rearing its ugly head.

Why do you not want to talk?

What are you afraid of?

I am here for you, the analyst says, just be here with me.

Be real, don’t keep up your distance.

You can speak.

I am simply trying to understand.

And Lacan has said that this desire of the analyst, is love.

I agree.

It is opening the soul, freeing up the heart, the creativity.

It is defending truth and standing up for true life.

It is a midwife’s job, welcoming the emerging child within.

Why are we wasting this world, wasting our lives, wasting the precious time we have with each other?

There is no sense in it.

It is only fear.

It is bullshit.

And you know what?

It is slowly getting on my nerves.

So we are prepared to be keeping up the illusions because we believe in the sermons of fear? And we are prepared to let that destroy our planet and end our existence?

I say we better get struck by lightning.

I say a little bit of love better set fire to this prairie.

So we can truly choose again, no illusions left, no more demands from all the fear.

Standing on the ground, feeling the earth, moving our feet, instead of looking like a bunch of hypnotized zombies into the despair of all we don’t want.

Snap out of it!

Who cares about this shit anymore?

I don’t like this world.

I just want us to be free.

Normal.

So we can share a joke.

So we can have a good time.

So the light can shine, and the spirit can reveal all of its wonderful dreams of creation.

I say we let it crash, I say we just don’t give a fuck.

I say it’s all…

bullshit.

I say let us live in peace, and let the truth be welcome.

Because in truth, in peace, life is a joyful river, life is a twinkling flow, full of the wonders of a starlit night.

In truth, in peace, life is sweet, life is love, and life is the way we look at each other.

The way we welcome the children, who are so full of wonder.

The way we smell a flower, and hug each other when the sun sets.

Life is the light that is shining in my eyes, my painfilled eyes, hurt from seeing what mankind makes of his world, of his life, of his sister and his brother.

For no good reason at all.

So let the system crash and let the shit come out.

Cheers to anarchy and a refreshing Apocalypse.