Human nature

I have some ideas, I have something I want to say.

I don’t know how it’s gonna come out, but let’s give it a try anyway.

I want to talk about love and hate actually, I want to talk about human nature. About what drives the human being, what moves him.

You see, my basic vision is this: there is a lack of peace, there is a state of unrest. Then man goes searching for what is wrong. He is at war with ‘the fault’.

He will find it, and he will correct ‘the fault’.

Then he will know peace.

At least, that’s the feeling, that’s the drive.

The endless analysis.

So man goes about searching for faults to destroy, to remedy.

The police are hunting and fishing for criminal minds, the doctors are looking for the cause of the disease, psychologists are looking for the original trauma or faulty cognition that brought about the depression and anxiety, physicists are looking for all that could be better in the world, psychiatrists for the neurotransmitters out of balance, journalists are chasing the most exciting stories and economists go about making sure there is no threat to the trade and industry.

This attitude of ‘seek and destroy’ is basically being in a state of war.

Man is at war with many things.

He is at war with God, and he is at war with the world.

He is at war, as well, basically, with himself and his soul.

His emotions, his thoughts.

Man fights himself, as he will most probably do until his last breath.

He will never accept himself, he will never accept God, and he will never accept the world.

He can not.

He will destroy everything, himself included.

So what can be done?

I don’t know, I guess I am no different, writing this.

I am looking for what is wrong too, and I want to change it and cure it and do something about it.

But what to do, other than to bring peace, where there is not enough of it?

What to do, but take the worries away?

This is something I have been trying to do my whole life, but I cannot but notice and feel that man does not want peace, he prefers to worry.

He is set on being discontent, and he must constantly change everything.

Change his nose, change his belly, change his hairstyle, change his personality and change his house.

There will always be something wrong, something to hate, something that has to go.

This is human nature: hate and war.

He just cannot accept things as they are.

He must do something about them.

He knows no peace.

Anyone notice a death drive around here?

And in the end, when he will have destroyed all of the world and all of his kind, will he want to change it again? Will he go looking for the fault and how to remedy it? And will he maybe see, that it is he himself, man, that is what is wrong?

And will he hate himself again?

And will he destroy himself some more?

Why is it so difficult to love?

Why is it impossible to love?

Love God, love nature, love yourself!

It would be a great gift, if man could love some more.

If he could let things be for once, and know the nature of the divine, instead of merely his tendency to fight, to struggle, to look for war.

It is true, man is bad news.

It is why I live so very isolated, and you could say I have a social phobia.

There really is no need to cure my phobia, it is enough to love it.

To love the feelings underneath.

The feelings about man, and how he is always up to something… bad.

I don’t trust people.

I don’t like people.

I don’t love people.

I love my dog, but I think people are trouble.

They always find something, something that has to change, something that has to go, something that’s wrong.

They always find ‘faults’.

And I am always wrong, and I always have to change.

Lord knows, I am so full of faults.

And I just want to be myself, and I just want to be loved, and live in peace.

But somehow, this race that I am accidentally a part of, will not love me, and will not grant me peace.

So I isolate myself, I keep to myself, I avoid the human kind.

Because it always ends up nasty.

There will always be a fight, and a sadness, bigger than the world, bigger than my tears, bigger that the biggest shit I can produce.

I cannot explain, it is a basic sadness, it is a lack of love, it is a shortage of peace.

It is a total absence of acceptance, and it is infinitely far from celebration.

I sometimes wonder, about the ‘primitive’ people, the people who are at peace with themselves, the people who love God and accept nature.

The people who celebrate each other.

What are we losing, exterminating their way of life, ‘civilizing’ their culture?

Are we not losing the true remedy for all of our hate?

Are we not throwing away the only thing that can save the world, and save our race?

Exemplary truth?

It pains me, I cannot say how much.

When I see our ‘culture’, when I see how ‘far’ we have come in finding solutions for everything that is wrong with the world, ourselves and nature… I long for these people. I long to be part of their way of life. I long to laugh with them and be in joy. I just want to leave all this shit behind, it means nothing to me. Nobody loves me, nobody wants me, everyone ‘knows’ I am wrong, everyone is telling me to change, and I hide, I hide from everyone, every day, and I cry the infinite sadness of the universe.

Why is it so hard just to be accepted?

Why is it so damn hard to find some love?

Is it human nature which prevents it?

Is that why I feel closer to the animals and the trees, the sun and the rain, the dogs and the butterflies?

They let me live in peace.

They love me.

Sometimes I feel like I just don’t belong.

Like I am not truly human.

Maybe I am divine, or maybe I am just primitive.

A man at peace, a man who loves things, a man who feels joy, a man who wants to celebrate.

But I am so far from the world around me.

Or is it the world around me that is so far from me?

When everyone is the same, and everyone agrees that we should live in a never-ending state of war, with all and everything, it is sometimes hard not to feel dumb and weak, and maybe not good enough for this world.

Disabled, handicapped, unfit.

Like you are missing something.

Some essential trait for survival.

The sense of war.

That which has brought us far already, and will for sure make us one day the masters of the universe.

Man, the glorious creature, the only chosen and beloved child of his almighty God.

Conquering the world, slaying the enemy.

Solving all the problems, eliminating all the faults.

Doing what’s right.

Performing his duties.

I cannot help but feel a sick sense of humor, I am not really laughing out loud, I am rather just laughing very small and scared inside, for I know I am alone.

I know everyone agrees.

Everyone understands one another.

They are all the same.

Let’s kill the motherfucker.

That cannot be.

Let’s make sure it doesn’t happen again.

That shit’s got to go.

And who will love, and who will live in peace, if not nature, his Mother, who has been loving him since the beginning of time and will care for him until the final beating of his heart?

Who will be at peace with him, if not the world, who does not fight him, but goes along, even unto its own fading, demise and erosion?

Where is the enemy?

What is wrong?

I am not asking you to hate yourself.

I am asking you to love me.

I am asking for a simple experience of peace.

Is man truly a child of nature, or does he have a nature of his own?

The destructive, restless, human kind.

Eternally upholding the ego.