People are strange

Okay, so I just discovered something.

I was in deep meditation, in a kind of state where I am thinking about people posing problems, and trying to understand. The truth of the matter is, I just don’t understand.

I never see the problem.

So I just had a kind of breakthrough, and it told me very much.

I was in deep agony, trying to understand the nature of ‘the problem’ and I just broke through and I said ‘well then you can always just roll, can’t you’.

I don’t know if it is because of my years of practicing the circular art of judo, or because I am somewhat of an alien, but it just seemed to me that you could always ‘roll’ when you had to.

And then I understood.

I understood that you don’t understand what I am saying.

And I felt very lonely.

I became aware of the fact that I was a circle in a world of squares.

And I have been frustrated with squares my whole life. I have tried to understand them, I have tried to help them, I have tried to make them roll.

But they just don’t want to.

They want to stand still.

It is most outspoken in my frustrations with girls. Girls love me, they love how I make them enchanted and feeling magical, they love how I take their breath away. They love how I rock them and they love how I make them roll.

Yet they never stay.

They always end up choosing another square person, a person less thrilling, but more secure. A person that to me, seems worthless and boring. A person I pity.

I am a circle in a world of squares.

And the squares, they don’t like to move. They don’t like to change. They like to stay just where they are, even though they may seem adventurous, I know. They may travel a lot, they may live a busy lifestyle, but inside, still, they are squares. They are fixed beings. They cannot change, they cannot move.

They even think it is ‘decent’ to be that way. They call it being reliable, for instance, and they mistrust the one who lives for change and evolution. The one who likes to move, the one who likes to rock and roll.

So people, it is my great frustration, to try and move anyone. I am always pulling, I am always trying as hard as I can, but in the end, no, you’d rather not. You’re happy to stay just where you are. You don’t feel like a little adventure, you don’t feel like a little game.

You couldn’t get a little bit wild for even once.

But the truth is, you love it.

You love riding the rollercoaster, you love kicks and thrills.

It’s just your decency.

You’re too decent to be doing what you love.

And I am sick of trying to pull you into moving.

I am sick of struggling against resistance.

I am sick and tired of you BEING the problem.

It makes me cry sometimes, it makes me desperate.

And it makes me very lonely.

I don’t understand.

Don’t you wanna roll?

So I just found out, I am a circle in a world of squares.

You are all so fixed on the ground, you are all so firm on your feet. You are planted like a tree with strong roots, and you cannot move from your place in this world. Your roots are your fears, and you hold on to them.

You cannot let go can you?

It is just not your nature, it is not the nature of a square to roll.

What if your car had wheels that where squares?

It wouldn’t move very much now would it.

So I tried to be a square, I tried to become a square, because I was feeling so lonely and I didn’t understand. I longed so much to fit in. But I was and I guess will always be a misfit.

I am nature.

I am the river, I am the bird, I am the rollercoaster that is always changing, moving, never stopping, never fixed. I am the truth.

And you are the fear of me.

And the hate, yes, you hate me, you hate me because you know you love me, and you cannot risk being swept away. You cannot risk rolling. You cling to your roots, you cling to your fears, you cling to being the squares you are.

I know you love me, I know you adore a rollercoaster ride.

Don’t hate me, don’t be afraid of me.

I bring you much joy.

I make you laugh all the time.

I surprise you, and you love surprises.

Don’t be afraid to roll, don’t be afraid to move with life.

Life is not a square, life is a circle.

When you learn ninjutsu, you learn the kamae.

A kamae is a stance.

But you learn as well that the importance is the moving, the flowing between the kamae.

Think of it like learning an accord on the guitar.

You can learn many accords, but to play, you have to move between them.

You have to rock and roll.

You are like beings who hold on to one stance for life, who keep playing the same accord over and over again, because you are so afraid to let go and change.

You are afraid life will take you away, you are afraid to follow your heart.

You are afraid to be happy, you are afraid to find your fulfillment.

I am not saying throw all you are away and start acting like you are adventurous.

You shouldn’t be stupid.

It’s just about being prepared to change your mind from time to time, to be open to another opinion. For starters.

When I was young, I was always wild. I was driving around laughing with the girls and drinking liquor by the lakes, discovering new places and adventures all the time. But as I said, none of the girls ever chose me, even though I gave them a special feeling. Some kind of bliss I guess.

Ecstasy.

The fear always won.

And now I am old(er), all of my would-be wild friends are settled, and are playing their one accord standing firm in their stupid stances, and I am like, what happened?

Why have you all changed?

Why don’t we party anymore?

What happened to being wild?

I guess the fear has won.

And I am sick of fighting it.

You cannot reason with fear.

You cannot convince them to loosen up for once and relax and have a good time.

No, they’re all too busy being decent and dependable.

They are doing their best to make their boss happy, they are caring for the kids, they are good partners for their other halves.

And it looks like they’re still having fun, but it’s just not real anymore.

I don’t think I still like any of my old friends.

They’re all so… conditional.

God I miss the good old days, cruising, partying, being wild.

Just living life and loving it.

It’s all gone.

They’ve all turned into perfect squares.

Not a lot you can do with them nowadays.

God I feel alone.

I feel tired, I feel frustrated, I feel empty and desperate.

Nobody understands me.

I just wanna rock and roll, I just wanna move, I just wanna be on that rollercoaster that is life, but it seems it has almost all been squared out.

Still I believe resistance will never have the last word. You have to relax sometime. You will relax in the end. The world will relax, and life, the sweet river of life, will take over once again. Adventures will be there, happiness will be there. Relaxation will be there.

The circle will return.

For you see, as I figure, you can freeze the flow for some time, and you can fight to keep it frozen, but the truth, even the truth of the human squares, is that they are originally and in truth circles as well.

In their hearts, in their bodies, in their souls and origins.

But they have turned into squares, they are marked by their ego, by that which resists change, by that which will not let them move. It keeps them nailed to the ground. And the ground becomes their curse, and the ground becomes their cross.

And they die, mostly, still acting like a square.

So it is a qualitative step, enlightenment, to find your roots within, the roots which bind you to the Great Mother, to nature with her everlasting flow. To that which knows no arrest. To that which will not freeze.

It is a qualitative step, transcending the fear, Thanatos, the death-drive and learning to move, to flow. It is where the guitar disciple becomes the guitar master, where he may have long forgotten the accords, but he has become the flow.

So don’t be too proud of your stability, your being decent and dependable, and have some regard for a change for the people who rock and roll and go with the flow just to evolve.

They may be closer to truth than you.

They may be more musical than you, they may sing in richer tones than you.

It is only appearance, this world, and to make it here, is not to say you have made it in heaven. You may be a loser here and a saint in heaven.

To all the girls I have loved before…

I know you loved me, and I know you could not stand me.

Your love, your brother Eros.

It’s still a pity that you followed your fear instead of your heart.

And that goes for all my friends, for my family, for my colleagues.

No one dares to take a risk, no one dares to make a deal, no one is shaking hands no more.

They are all about me me me, and I am just about something like nature, flowing circles and the sadness of living with all squares.

No offense.

It’s just the way things are.

Maybe I should have stayed in my world.

But to quote the great Bob Marley: one day, when my work is over, I will fly away home.

And I do look forward to that.