The other side

Could you be loved?

(Bob Marley)

I felt drawn to using this title, because an important book about Lacanian psychoanalysis is called ‘Jacques Lacan and the Other Side of Psychoanalysis’. It is a book which covers many topics from his theory and vision.

However, I would like to make it clear that I am in no way planning on talking about Lacan or psychoanalysis in this text.

This text is about my own experience of what I call, the other side. Of course, I cannot help but think of the lyrics of ‘Break On Through’, the famous song by The Doors. But that is not what it’s about, though maybe, it is more about that than about psychoanalysis.

It is difficult to say, what I am about to talk about, because it is maybe only insanity, originating from my schizophrenic mind, and also, because I would be served well by a drawing to illustrate what I want to convey.

I will however use only words.

So the drawing, it would have to be an elegant curve, at one end thick and large, and on the other hand thin and fading, falling apart, like, vanishing. One brush stroke.

However, the vanishing and growing more refined and etheric, is not a growth of absence. It remains, but it transits into something else, a larger field, the cosmos perhaps. The line is my heart, my feeling that extends and gently touches the cosmic mind.

When I first slid out of my personal consciousness and into the larger field, it felt like a kiss, like someone seducing you with a French kiss. That is the feeling, everybody knows it, everybody knows what it is like to touch another soul.

To remain in the romantic sphere, it is also what sexuality feels like to me. It is when we ‘follow our dick’ and we are moved from a place that draws us near. We give up the strict and strangling controlling pressure of the ego force and open up.

So to be sexual without being sexual, to slip out of one’s own mind sphere, we like leave behind and transcend the personal interests and personality. We are touched by the soul of creation and taken on a journey. Tripping, but without the acid.

And staying connected to that soul, locating ourselves outside of ourselves, we can touch the person next to us, coming from the outside of them, which is, in fact, the inside of them, the part of them that is around them and seeking to fulfill, delight and free up the physical experience of that person, their body tension armor.

Oftentimes, when I am moving from the universal field, I don’t know where I am or what I am doing. I am only feeling, going deeper, going into my hips, moving down. All I know is that I am breathing in my belly, and I am descending down, like following just the feeling of deeper and deeper sinking into my awareness. Just like someone who has a weight around them, would sink and sink in the ocean.

Then, I feel a kind of resistance, a kind of wall or stone, which is challenging. And when I concentrate on that entity, the person, or one of the people I am together with, suddenly takes in a forceful and deep breath, like you would when you are swimming in forward crawl strokes and have only a second to fill up your lungs fully.

Then, without an explicit travel through time or space, inner time or space, just the moment after the other person has taken their deep breath, I am at the surface once again, I am out of the ocean, out of the depths, and I am feeling quite content and quite alive. Happy and relaxed, like all is perfect and I don’t have a worry in the world. Innocent.

Then I sink no more. I remain in my ‘normal’, pleasant everyday waking awareness.

Sometimes the blockade in the other person is strong, and I do not know how to move beyond it. Coming from the cosmic field, I do not know how to enter, being awareness seeking to fulfill the other person’s being. It may help to ask for help at such a point, but sometimes, nothing helps. Sometimes, the other person is so tight and strongly defended and closed, that I cannot save him from his inner madness and panic. I then have to find a way to leave the person be, with himself, as I feel their panic very much and it is very unpleasant to encounter. I always try to make everyone feel better, but sometimes I just can’t. Which makes me want to even more, and develop my skill of trance forever stronger.

Between a simple resolution of the breath’s blockade, and the impossibility to free up and calm the spirit, there are times when calling for help can do the trick. I get a clear moment, where I say to the universal field, god if you like, ‘I cannot help him, I don’t know what to do’, and I surrender to that feeling of being lost. Then an animal may come to mind, an animal that makes a movement. Perhaps it is an eagle, spreading his wings.

And as I go into that feeling, of the animal moving, it happens that this has the same effect as purely concentrating and moving from the universal energy, the soul’s essence, awareness. It happens that this is what forces and realizes a breakthrough in the other person’s energy. They take a deep deep breath, intensely, but closed people, stressful people, people who always talk and talk and never breathe, they quickly return to their discourse of panic and chaos and they just don’t calm down. You can’t calm them down. They are beyond any help.

Other people, they experience the effects of breathing, in which I assist them, more enduringly. You sense, that they are calmer afterward, they are more relaxed.

And that is the world to me, the world as I experience it from the other side: different levels of stress, people being stuck at different levels of intensity. Some are easily fulfilled, while others fight and fight their calm and their breath like it’s a war raging against a moment of peace. Some welcome the peace, and some fight it like they are fearing for their lives.

It is to be remarked, that it is the stressful people who are mostly the ones considered ‘successful’. They are always busy, they are always active, they are perhaps successful and mighty businessmen. But to me, they are just stubborn idiots, who refuse to breathe and smile in peace. To me, they are very sick, and they give me a feeling of despair. How can I please them, how can I make them relax and smile? Often, I cannot. I can only let them be, leave them to their own war and battle. But I wonder, you know, about sanity. About what sanity means to man. I see things differently, I sense them from the other side.

To me, an active and perhaps hyperactive person, who may be a very busy busy businessman, always on the phone or in his car or on his computer or traveling by plane, the restless ones, who are I guess for a reason called business men, to me those people are, well, they anger me, and they make me feel sad. Angry because there is no way to get through to them, and my soul, operating from the cosmic field, is fighting to fulfill them if even for a second. But they will not allow it. It is like they are fighting for their lives. They will not give up the stress. And it leaves me sad, because it is a person who cannot be helped, who will not see the light.

Other people, and especially animals, are so easy to satisfy. They are prone to smile, they are inclined to fulfillment. They are simple people, and they have few needs. Hell, just sitting there, looking through the window doing nothing, they can smile. How pleasant are they to my soul, how I love them and how they make me happy!

They are touched, spontaneously, like the animal spirit. They are light, and they are full of delight. How I wish the world was full of such simple people, pleased by just the day and just the light of day, and by just whatever circumstances give to them.

Of course, we move between the two extremes. Sometimes we are all busy men, sometimes we are all fighting to change things, and I guess, and hope, that even the busiest businessman knows peace sometimes.

But it is a fact that some are rather mad, and some are rather loveable.

Some make me angry and sad, and some make me happy and ecstatic.

Why can’t some people be loved? Why are they fighting so hard against breathing and against their peace? Why do they not want it? And who do they think they are?

They are just stubborn idiots, making a mess for everybody, for no good reason at all. They are insane. They may be ‘successful’, but they are dangerous and they are insane, and they are making a mess of things, they are destroying a situation that is perfectly peaceful on its own.

It makes me think of the Amazon. Busy businessman are fighting to drill for oil there, to cut the trees for timber there, to graze their cattle there. It is true, it is a war, it is a fight. They must, it is in their heads. And you cannot break though to them, you cannot show them peace, and letting it be. They are insane, and they are… I don’t know what is the use of their lives you know. Do they just live to destroy everything, do they just exist to mess everything up? How can you stop them? How can you kill the demons that bewitch and haunt them?

I am from the West, yes, the best, I was born in the most developed, rich and privileged part of this planet.

However, I have always had what some might call paranormal experiences. I had fully normal conversations with animals when I was a kid, animals just talking to me in a casual and entertaining way, innocent, not stressful, relaxed, speaking, and me taking delight in their company. It was nothing abnormal to me, it was simply pleasant.

And at times, I have known when disaster was about to strike. With full force and clarity, I knew what was the way, and what was disaster. And it turned out I was right. I knew it.

And I have always felt drawn to the cosmos. When I was a child, I had a primitive projector, just a lightbulb covered with plastic in which there were holes, projecting the light and the star signs on my ceiling when I went to sleep.

I am from the West, but I am not a Western person. I come from the universal mind, I come from a place where you know you are the universe embodied, looking up at itself, and it is a sweet and intimate secret of being at home and knowing peace. I come from the outside, and I touch people like a kiss, seducing them perhaps, into ecstasy, seducing them into thrills and laughter, seducing them into feeling happy and forgetting all their worries. I come from a simple place, a place where it is hard to understand the world. The needs people have, the way they are behaving, what makes them move.

Oftentimes, it is the pressure they suffer from, which is imposed on them by their bosses, the businessmen. Oftentimes, it is because they are slaves, and they are not granted mercy, and they are not left in peace.

That makes me sad, and it makes me angry. What business do these businessmen really have anyway? Is everything their business? Is the life of their fellow man, and the health and healing of our planet, really their business? Or are they just imposing, going out of their league and upsetting all of the world? And if there is such a thing like a jail or asylum for the insane, why are they not in it?

Why is it always the victim that gets locked away whilst the ‘businessman’ is on his private plane travelling the world in luxury?

You get it? I don’t buy your story. I don’t buy your names and I don’t buy the way you organize things.

I come from the other side, I come from the kiss and playful encounter in the universal field, and I just wish for simplicity. A smile, and peace, silence, love and ecstasy. A tickling delight rising up through our bodies making us crazy and full of jokes and inspirations. Fun!

To me, life is so simple, it is so all about the essence. And the essence is love. The essence is peace. The essence is not messing around with everybody’s lives and the health of our planet. The essence is not the war against the breathing. The essence is peace, the essence is silence.

And I don’t love big business, and I don’t love the mighty dollar. And I don’t love the bold and the beautiful, and I do not like people sticking their noses in everywhere they don’t belong. I don’t think everything was meant to be your business.

I like for people to relax, I like for people to smile, feel a little crazy even if it may, and feel inspired by joy, light and love.

I like for people to be happy.

That is all.

If you are happy, I am happy.

And to me, it is very strange how the world is all about the money and destroying everything.

To me, the wrong people are the ones being locked up.

And the wrong people are being supported and given full option and total freedom.

It is a criminal conspiracy, it is just one big crime.

In full daylight, with everybody buying it.

And cheering it on while it is burying them.

Most people just don’t stand up to it, and the ones who do, the Che Guevaras, the Julian Assanges, they are quickly labeled terrorists. And everybody buys it, and everybody’s cheering on their own funeral.

How can the world know peace, if you worship the mad man, if you worship the war against it? How can the world know peace, if all mankind knows is that the war always takes precedence? For surely, we must always be upset about something. And surely, isn’t it admirable how some people are always living at the top of their nerves?

But to me, as a being of the universal love, all of this is madness, it is insanity, it is a crime and it is a disgrace. And it makes me angry, and it makes me sad, and it makes me far more than desperate, and it makes me wanna breathe and rage, and fight and listen, and it makes me wanna break through each and every one of your harsh and powerful barriers.

And so help me god, just know I will one day.

When the eagle spreads his wings.

With all of the totems that are dancing with me between the stars you sometimes see.

With the angels in your churches, and a cross still on my back.

With every drum I get to beat, every rattle I can shake.

Every rhyme and rhythm I can make.

Just take my word for it.

I am not a businessman, but I do know my business, and if you make my business yours, then I will make your business mine. You are the one at war, and I will break you whole if that’s what it takes for you to know peace like we all should.

I am coming from the universal mind.

Where there is only love, where there is only peace, where things are not so full, but they are filled with emptiness, freedom, and the ability to be fulfilled. It’s just your cup is always running over, and you cannot accept what I am trying to give you, coming from the other side.

And you must accept, you must accept my love, and god knows you must accept my peace.

There has never been another way.

Take my word.

Mitakuye oyasin.

Namaste brother.

Love.

Longing to meet the Mother inside you, where she is sparkling, full of light.

As we all should be.