Sympathy for the devil?

I feel guilt, I feel guilt,

though I know I've done no wrong I feel guilt.

I feel bad, so bad,

though I ain't done nothing wrong I feel bad.

(Marianne Faithfull)

Hello there and good morning.

Just now, I was thinking about the concept of the priest, and about what kinds of priests there are in the world, and I was thinking maybe I should put some of my thoughts on paper.

So here we go.

First of course, and most central to my thinking, is the difference between the light and the darkness.

I am a psychoanalyst, so I will try to stick to my theory in part, for as much as is possible. If only as an exercise in thought and philosophy.

To some, my psychoanalytic thinking will be too much colored by religion, and to others, it may be disturbing and annoying that my religious thought is too much hampered by the science I was taught in college.

I am a hybrid, I cannot help it.

So let’s do it that way.

In psychoanalysis, I think it is acceptable to say that there is the consciousness, on one part, and the repression of it on the other side.

Depending on the chronological order, there are two kinds of repression that are distinguished. First, we have the primal repression. This is where the ego arrives at first, in the mirror stage. It is where the darkness, the shadow, makes its home in our beings of the light.

To do so, it must dim the light, for when the light shines fully, there can be no shadow, there can be no darkness.

So it makes the light feel small, by stating, falsely accusingly, that the innocent light is in fact guilty. It bombs the original soul, which is forever innocent and pure, with feelings of being faulty and wrong, and the light, which does not really know anything about itself, for it is innocent and naïve, accepts these accusations after a while, in a silence that will remain protestful in essence. It will resist the accusations, but I guess it is not smart enough to answer back. It is just a dumb and innocent instance the ego takes advantage of and overwhelms with its accusing pleas.

Once the light has kind of accepted that it should keep itself small, for it is no longer innocent now, it has accepted the original sin, the feeling of guilt and being faulty, it will ask with its little hurt and shameful voice what it is to do then, to make it up, and to regain its state of innocence.

It is there that the devil gets the light right where he wants it, for now the devil can just fantasize about all the things it would like the light, the spirit of the human body, to do, and the human soul will do it, because I guess it hates feeling guilty.

But this shadow, this being which we see in the mirror, and to we give our native powers, in which we invest our original libido as psychoanalysis would say, or would you rather call it selling our souls, this shadow stands before us and pushes us back, pushes us back fully at first, to make space for itself, and later on, in what is called the actual repression, will continue to push back parts of our being uprising that do not fit its agenda.

So we all try our best, we all feel guilty and we try to be good boys and girls. We live with the shame and we try to be proud of ourselves when the ego says we can be.

But this does not do away with the fact that there is a mirror version of ourselves, our ego, that stands in our way and is pushing us back, just to take up the space that is in fact ours. Where our light should be shining, there is now a stranger, dominating, accusing, belittling, shaming, preaching death to the soul. It is forbidding, it is restricting, it is not freeing, as truth would be.

It is just looking after its own interests, and minding its nature, these are mostly less than benevolent and beneficial.

The main thing it knows, is how to dominate and belittle. How to put something down, how to make it (us?) disappear. And how to keep everything small and be the first and most important thing in the world, at least to itself.

Now the thing with the shadow is, that it makes us cry, it makes us protest, it makes us feel angry and it makes us want to fight it.

And that is what sometimes happens.

Because we, the soul, the vision that is perceiving the self-image, may want to see the world as it is, instead of colored by the repressive figure that stands in its way. That stands between us and our lives, our world, our being, always there keeping itself up in our head.

What an annoying little thing it is, this ego. What a nuisance, and who asked for it in the first place? Who asked to be invaded at such a young and innocent age, and to be cast out of his own living space, only to give room to someone who makes us feel bad all the time so we would do what he wants all the time, just so we can -almost- feel the way we naturally would, pure, free and proud. Shining, like the fiercest light. Glorious, like the night filled with the splendor of the starlight. Bright, like the sun burning in a baby’s smile.

So it sometimes happens, that this fight of the native soul with the instance of the ego plays itself out to the end. It is a fierce battle, in which the strength of the soul, unwavering awareness, is tested against the plays and manipulations of the shadow, but in the end, finding its strength in truth and the power of the spirit, the shadow disappears and our light falls on the world, unobstructed, pure love.

It is then, that we are called enlightened, and it is said that this is our birthright and our native state and original spirit of pure awareness.

Now there are preachers who are obsessed with the shadow, with the dark side preaching guilt and shame, preaching death and destruction, domination and submission.

These are the preachers of the shadow, they speak his words, and they make us feel like we’re two-year-olds again. And we may be so used to feeling this way, because of the shadow we suffer from inside, that we say yes, you are right. I know, I feel it, I am wrong, I am faulty, and I should pay for my sins. I must never stop making up for the sinner that I am, and that I always will be. Only then will my soul be saved, when I have worked and worked and suffered and suffered to punish myself for being wrong. And I can never suffer enough, for I am forever sinful, and I must pay for the debt and guilt I owe to existence.

They will say, these poor little beings who are suffering so much that yes, they should suffer forever more, and they will bow their heads, and they will hate themselves and punish themselves. Sometimes physically, sometimes by repressing their most natural urges, intuitions and drives.

Which is exactly what the ego wants.

So our ego is really grateful to these priests of the darkness, for taking over part of his job. For impersonating his nature and personality. For being to the human souls on the outside what he is to them on the inside.

And where does it get us?

It keeps us forever small, and keeps the power over ourselves and our lives in the hands of the devil, who does not actually exist in the real world. He only exists within our heads. You cannot find him anywhere, yet it seems you cannot get rid of him. He is a stubborn ghost.

It keeps our libido, if you want, invested in the self-image, in the ideal ego, and this ‘self’, this ‘I’ will live a life that actually was ours to live! It is a ghost that is nowhere yet everywhere, and it succeeds in living its whole life as if it were a real person. Because we feel too small and too wrong to be making decisions ourselves. We leave it up to the devil. Because we are wrong. We were wrong in the first place, the primal repression, the original sin remember, and we will always be wrong. We know it, we feel it and see, even the preacher man says so.

But it sometimes happens, I don’t know how often, that the original soul takes back its powers from the self-image, it takes back the credibility, the belief and faith in the devil, it says I am seeing you, you image in my head, and you may have disguised yourself as the image of my body, but you are not the soul within this body, you are not me, the spirit and awareness that is looking right at you.

And I will look at you and cast my light upon your darkness until all your tricks are played. And then my light will shine right through you, and it will shine upon the world like when I was a baby.

This is the true religion I believe, this is the religion of who we are and who we were truly meant to be. This is the religion of life, and how to live it. By being there in the first place, and not let another stand in your way. By sticking your chest out and letting your heart speak, and not let some ghost tell you to stay small because… well basically because you are just all wrong.

This is the religion of believing in your self, not your ego, but your soul, your gut, your intuition, your unique and special identity that is the spirit of and in your body. The divine you, that is real and certainly not just a ghost within your head.

Because you were born from creation, you were made by the creative love and energy that has shaped so many beautiful fish and wonderful flowers, so many powerful animals and lovely drops of rain. You are part of the miracle of creation, and if sexuality is about one thing, it is that creativity is part of you as deep as you can find it. You, part of the creative field of creation, are a creative force yourself. You have a vision, you have a destiny, you have a soul and you have your truth and feelings. You have you, and that may not seem like much, but if you look around and see the Mother that has created you, I don’t think you can feel small at all. Aren’t you a miracle within a miracle?

So there are people who have found a way, through the struggle with the ego, overcoming resistance and repression, transcending the image of the self, to let their light shine freely upon all of their homes of creation. Who have found the way to themselves, to their original light, which they say is divine awareness, pure consciousness and is present in all things great and small as it is the root and essence of creation.

They find their own spirit everywhere, when their eyes are open and their soul is free to flow. When they can feel with their feelings and see with their eyes, the world, free of the demon.

They speak of love, and joining their power with your bent and broken soul, they can help set you free, help you break through and regain your wholeness and your health. Your truth.

They are the allies to the light, they are the love enlightening your soul.

And you may be fearful, you may believe the preachers of the shadow, and you may say to them that you’re sorry, but you just can’t be yourself. You just cannot let your light shine, you cannot let your soul be free. For it is said, you are a sinner, you are wrong and you are guilty.

And you may refuse the message of the light, and live in smallness and in hiding, and it will be a shame, not because it is your fault, but because you could have chosen the other way, because you could have given the spirit of creation, the love of the Mother, a chance to live its eternal bliss right through you, and you could have found natural life and the gift that was yours because you were born some body so perfectly beautiful a part of nature.

But I guess the devil is too busy beating nature.

And I hope that things may change.

I just hope one day, nature can be nature.

The unconscious may return.

The whole someday, may be just the whole it is.

So let us dance, and let us laugh, and let us celebrate because we are wonderful.

Bless you brother, bless you sister.

We are one in Love, and we are perfect in the Mother.

Maybe we should visit church a little less often don’t you think, and go take a walk in the woods. Maybe there, we can see who we truly are. Creatures of a world so great and wonderful that it would be hard to believe it would not have dropped some of that magic on us.

And if we want to pray, let us not pray to the devil just to ask for punishment, but let us pray for magic to the heart of all creation, beating close to home within the presence of our chest. Let us look inside our spirits, and let the preacher man be just another ghost.