The coming god

Yesterday was a very special day.

In the last weeks I had had a few experiences that were relieving and inspiring. I have told you of my experience of letting go of my life, and what felt like the end of it all. I thought we should let it all go in gratitude in the end.

Later, I was thinking and thinking very deep and I came to a point where all of the air, my bookshelf and all of the books on it were made of live and circulating air that was nothing but understanding. An infinite understanding that had been active since forever and would never cease its activity of simple and continuous comprehension. To this intelligence matters like the working of the DNA and the creation of the cosmos were simple things. Perhaps as it had been around so long thinking and seeing, it had had ample time to comprehend everything, and understanding was both its nature and its activity.

Still later, I had an experience of being infinite love and a very powerful goodness. I recognized this as the being I had always been and was very happy that it was so big and so real. I thought I had finally found love, a love that is true and factual. And this love was everywhere, it had no boundaries and its force would never cease to advocate for itself. I recognized many of my personal habits and frustrations as to the activities of humankind, and how contrary they were to my nature. I could see that my frustrations were because of this feeling and conviction that love is the way, and pleading for understanding and supporting each other was my intuition and my curse. Of course, I am never heard, but in discovering this infinite field of love and goodness, I finally came to recognize myself and the truth and value of my most lonely feelings.

Yesterday, I was sitting at my desk, and my energy turned very deep downwards, and all of a sudden it touched something and I experienced a full and beautiful, deep and warm orgasm. This was not physical. There was no buildup of sexual excitement, no matters of erections of ejaculations, there was merely the pure instinctive feeling of coming. A purely psychological experience of an easy and clean orgasm.

I was very surprised and very excited.

Because it had happened through the directing and following of my energy, and it had come spontaneously, unannounced, unexpected. It was very sudden, yet it was not brutal. It was soft yet strong, and very deep.

Looking back, wondering, I felt as if it had been an orange flower, like what we call and East Indian Cherry, I do not know the proper translation, an orange flower you can eat. And this flower had opened up, and that had felt like an internal orgasm.

I was wondering why I saw an orange flower, because orange is not a color I would think of spontaneously, and it is not especially one of my favorite colors. Yet, I could not picture it to be of any other color.

So this made me think. It made me think of god, the universe and creation.

I think now that god is an orange flower, infinitely opening its petals in a neverending bloom and forever in a state of orgasm.

The bible says we are created in a likeness to the image of god, and I think it makes sense this way.

We are created with the power to create, and that is our sexuality. The power of creation lives within us, and instead of exploring the farthest reaches of the cosmos, which might be beautiful and fascinating, and pouring this in mathematical models, physicist might do better to explore the question of creation in their inner beings, in the powers of creation that lie within.

I already spoke of this a little in my book ‘the magic of psychoanalysis’ where I suggested that the ultimate boundary of modern physics quest might be the death of the ego and the exploration of the mystic awareness.

I am even more convinced now that that is the way to go.

To understand creation and Its infinite unfolding, to understand life and its scheme of incidents and accidents, we need not another measurement and a mathematical model, we need a feeling of the opening, the opening of the underground, and the coming, the coming into being of matter and creation.

I believe now that sexuality holds the key to our understanding of the nature of creation.

I believe the way to understand creation lies not in external observation, but in inner contemplation, and I believe it is meditation that will teach us the most sensible things about what we see all around us.

But we have to find it within.

We have to dig deep and never give up, and keep on believing that our efforts will yield results. I have been meditating for years, and living a devout life for the best I can for a long time. It has been hard and I have had my misfortunes and my doubts, but the passion always remained.

You have to believe, and you have to believe with passion if you are to find god in her simplicity, in your simplicity, in your truth and being.

Perhaps one day we will use the powers of our hips to generate electricity, or to create new universes of our own. That might seem crazy, but I am only saying…

So open your eyes.

Perhaps, in spiritual literature, what I have experienced yesterday is known as a kundalini experience, and it is what is sought through yoga and tantra.

I am sure I am not the first nor the only one to have experienced this, and since it appears to be a much sought experience, it must be favorable and beneficial.

So I hope for the best, and keep sailing on the waters of everyday life in hope for a benevolent shore to be reached when time will have it.

I know it is not wise to go shouting every new experience from the rooftops time and time again, so I always wonder what it will bring next. I do not say I have reached enlightenment, because I don’t think I have. But I have experienced something touching me very deep and privately, and it was very special and inspiring. I could not help but write a little bit about it.

It also surprises me that Freud said all psychological problems were problems with sexuality. I believe in Freud now even more than ever. He must have been a very gifted man, with a great intuition.

We might even say, given the parallels we drew between the orgasm and god as an orange flower forever coming into creation, that all psychological problems are religious problems, problems with the existence of god. We struggle with god, the creative forces within, and it is only reaching the end of our struggle, giving up our ego, that will end our pathology and disease.

I have many more thoughts and inspirations, thinking back of my book, I am now wondering about the state and religion, about how the pope used to bless the crowning of a king. However, as a king is ultimately a symbol of ego, I doubt god would do anything but seek to kill him and free up the soul of the nation, the true creators of prosperity, the people.

So, I have many inspirations for the moment, and I am feeling wild. I feel aflame.

I may write some more, and leave you now with a thank you for allowing me to share my experiences of late.

It surprises me that after the experience of letting go of my life, wishes and expectations, there was at first an experience of cosmic intelligence (head), then of universal love (heart) and last an awakening of the creative awareness (hips). I had always thought it would start at the bottom.

I also always thought the experience of spiritual awakening was something that happened in a flash. However, the process of my experiences stretches over weeks. There are days of boredom, ordinary days, mundane days, days when nothing much seems to happen and it all fades into the background. But even in the background, it seems to go on, to have a life and will of its own. Perhaps this is life’s plan with me, the unfolding of the flower of creation in its very personal way.

For sure, I clearly have a lot to learn.

Thank you for being there, and until we meet again.

Have a fabulous day!