Retrieval of the light

I want to write a short note on my method of fighting, and the concept of being a warrior of light. I have studied many martial arts in my life, I have studied judo, jiu-jitsu, karate, kickboxing and ninjutsu, but apart from the usual sparring in the club, I have never been in a fight for all of my life. That is not to say I have not encountered my ordeal of challenges, but I never took up the proverbial glove. I always refused to fight, walked away and kept my cool. Because I don't believe in aggression.

I am however not a weak person, in spiritual strength, and that may even be why I held my ground of non-violence. I think when people start fighting, it is a sign that they have somehow lost it, that they have given up their cool. I think fighting is very uncool.

But in the spirit of the budo, and the art of meditation, I do think that it is, therapeutically, for the sake of personal development and growth, a good idea to visualize such encounters in the mind and deal with them in the inner space. Aggression as well as personal defense are matters that every animal on this planet has to deal with, and to block out feelings of self-assertion and self-demonstration is something completely strange and unnatural to me. So I fight on the inside, but I refuse to get caught up in a true life encounter, as I believe it does nothing but confuse and harm both parties, and I do not see this as a way of settling peace.

In contemplating true or phantasized encounters however, one gains a subconscious awareness of self-sufficiency. One comes to see oneself as able, though not prone, to deal with life's challenges in a way of defence and turning aggression around. This can only happen when one is in touch with one's inner power, when one is grounded in the spiritual self. Growing in this aspect is not a matter of denying one's feelings of self-assertion, but in giving these a place and a time, a voice and momentum, in one's inner world. This can be done in a therapeutic setting such as an analytic couch, or it can happen in the privacy of one's own modest meditations. But it is nothing more or less than a way to wholeness, to accept and celebrate one's assertive side. One may be surprised of one's potential in this area.

Especially when a person is not used to facing his or her frustrations and inner torment, will this be a sort of unfamiliar ground. But it is a healthy side, to feel rebellious and to not take oppression lightly. Everyone is a revolutionary in this aspect, as they would all stand up for themselves, if they dared, if they chose, and if they felt a strong enough connection to their self-assertive voice and stance.

What has keeping my cool then brought me, if not many a therapeutic meditation on the occasions of self-defence ? Has it made me a coward in real life, has it left me weak and powerless in fact, has it made me a frustrated dreamer, who will forever relax once again his clenched fists and keep his tongue silent, walking away defeated because he does not believe in starting a war ? Well, believing in the light, and being a warrior still, has led me to experience some other side to the fight, a side which I can take peace with and do find reassuring.

You see, to love peace is not closing your eyes in hiding every time times get rough. Believing in non-violence is still being fully present in the event of a challenge, but without crossing the line. This may be a line of speaking, it may be a line of acting. Everyone has the wisdom to decide when to drop an argument. I will not shy away from arousing a certain movement, but also know when to drop out of the escalation and let things settle themselves. As I have said, I do not believe in war, at least not on the pysical level. But when one remains sufficiently silent, not hiding, but observing one's inner responses to a challenge, one can still be able to make a change, without interfering on the outer level.

Remaining firm and silent, full of confidence and patience, has led me to observe another side to warfare, one that, from a spiritual and a therapeutic stance, I find much more interesting and enlightening. You see, it often happens that I am silent in a challenge, or even in a more modest feeling of tension between me and an other person, intuitive that is, and I follow that feeling, I give in to my feeling of discomfort and the assertion of my inner self. Often that results in a sequence where a certain change presents itself, on the level of my pure awareness. It can be a catharsis, it can be a cloudy or oceanic change of temperament, but in any case, this feeling to which my soul's struggle amounts will be noticeable in the physiology of that other person.

This is very strange, and very exciting. People will swallow for a moment, sigh, yawn or perform some other involuntary movement, as a result of me spiritually guiding a build-up of tension and awareness, in keeping firmly to myself. This is another aspect of warfare, a far greater one, and a far more sensible one than the one that is fought out with fists and bullets, with guns and knives. It is the fighting of the spirit, and it brings relief and transformation, it brings healing, though with and through force, healing and wholeness to the other person. It is the essence of retrieving the soul from the field of universal love and awareness. I have become somewhat accustomed to living this way in the past few weeks, and it is very exciting to me to be both living closely to my own truthful experience of the stories I live, and yet, in a very modest way, being part of transforming these stories.

In the view of my theory, this is a way of fighting for the light. It is a different form of asserting one's convictions, it is a different way of standing one's ground. One does so, much more on an inner level, on the level of the spirit and the universal field. And in that field, one changes the energy in the other person, one brings parts of that person home again, as Freud said, one brings back to the life of the light, what was tucked away in the corners of darkness. In so doing, one loves one's enemy. One wants for him to be freed from the inner oppression of the ego-force, that is making him feel sick and alone, in fear and delusion. If one can heal the soul of the other, there is no need for him of her to listen to the voice and reasoning of the oppressor within. So, that is another way to win a fight, a more silent, a much more modest way, a completely different way. It is fighting and being strong on the inner plane.

So to be a warrior of light, is surely this. To be in touch with one's feelings of self-assertion, to be in touch with one's inner stance, and to remain true to this, throughout a confrontation, standing one's ground with ease and grace, and inner fluidity. In so doing, one rocks much more than one's fists, one uses the power of one's soul, the deeper power of the spirit, to bring change about. And to bring change on this level, is always a healing. It is always a bringing home some doomed part, a way, let me say, of returning to the other person that which his ego has pushed away, so that the ego may lose part of its graveyard-like treasure, and part of the dead is brought back to life. It is a fight of faith, but it is for sure a fight of delight. For true victory is achieved here, where the ego can no longer hold down parts of the other person's soul. In so doing, one frees one's enemy, and this comes from a place of compassion for sure. But it is not the compassion of the weak, it is not the compassion of the one who has given up, it is true compassion, it is compassion as a force, and as a place of defence and assertion for sure.

The ego oppresses, and grows stronger the more it keeps in its reservoirs of restrained energy. To retrieve a part of one's soul, is to steal from the storage room of the death drive, and return it to the person alive. It is freeing a hostage, it is giving the money from the rich to the poor, it is an act of charity. So, to fight this way, is to be a warrior of charity, a warrior of compassion, a warrior of delight, a warrior of the life force. It is not winning, and being victorious still.

I also do believe this field of inner strength to be known to the true masters of meditation and martial arts. For it is often said, that when two masters meet in a challenge, it may take a long time before any action is taken by any one of them, and it may be that the fight would be over without any aggression being displayed. This may be the case, when one confronts the other foremost on the inner level, on the level of the spirit, on the level of the soul. It is what is called, the power of the mind, using the powers of the subconscious. It is my hope that many a strong warrior of compassion will come to walk this earth, warriors who know their size and their worth, on a silent level, on a confident level, on an unshakable level of truth. Warriors who know that their true fight is a battle with the darkness, and who are smart enough to steal from the oppressor, the soulparts back to be returned to their foes, who are oppressed by the forces of death, but are unable to deal with it. People who have lost it, and know not what they are doing.

Let us all be strong, and in so doing, bring back the love in eachother, and help the light shine through, in a world ruled by oppression and the murdering of the child.